just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
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Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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