Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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