you mean i was at the winter classic?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
