I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
