I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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