In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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