I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Randomize