Small penises have feelings too.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
