You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
