if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
