dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
