..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
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