I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
