is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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