my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
