Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
