that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
