I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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