Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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