plz talk dirty to me
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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