Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize