Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
