I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This is the high leading the old right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
