Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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