Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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