anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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