Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
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