I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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