The maid of honor just puked.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
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