If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
