I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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