There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
My balls are so social today.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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