I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
