There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
