fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
