never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
