The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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