All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
