If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize