I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
