I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
