OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
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Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
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Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.