My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night