They have a pepper shaker for pot.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
