I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
