I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm passing your future prison.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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