Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
