im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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