I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
splinters make it hard to masturbate
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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