My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
