u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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