She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
We need to get me chipped asap
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
