Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
My apartment stinks of burning failure
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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