Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
last night I used snow as a chaser
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
