I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
