hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
