Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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