Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
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