Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
