The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
