If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
