at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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