at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
