next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
