I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
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I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
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I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them