No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.