I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
