either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
