i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i've created a new STD.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
