she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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