also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
