Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hippo gnu deer
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I have tasted many bathrooms
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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