You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
