So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
