Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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