i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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