just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
