3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
